Disclaimers / Trigger Warnings

Please read before continuing on this journey with me…

In writing this piece, I want to make it clear: I do not have any malicious intent in writing this, or wish any harm upon those mentioned. I will be using first initials only in this piece except for my step-brother and brother. Johnny's name is something I refuse to censor or shorten. My goal is to keep his memory alive even after I'm gone one day.

This reflection is for myself, my healing, moving forward. And most of all, finally speaking about what happened to us in that house for all those years and lifting the veil from the eyes of those who knew us as kids.

If you know me on a personal level, I’ll answer a few questions… 

No, no one knew when it was happening except those who were living in the house and the people that my abuser considered friends, which were very few. They ignored, tried to justify, or even encouraged his behavior.

No, my father did not know what went on, and we were encouraged to not tell him.  

No, this is not for pity or sympathy.

This trauma has weighed heavily on me for well over 15 years, and it has eaten away at me. I have been diagnosed with a plethora of mental illnesses due to living in this abuse for as many years as I did. This includes C-PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, dissociation & derealization episodes. The combination of these issues has made surviving on a daily basis a tiring effort. It has caused strain on my relationships, my hobbies, my life.

This is from my perspective and my perspective only, with a few insights that I would like to include for my brother who will never be able to. 

         Trigger Warnings:

• Child Abuse

• Verbal Abuse

• Physical Abuse

• Sexual Harassment

• Manipulation

• Infidelity

• Open Porn Usage

• Drug & Alcohol Use

• Beastiality (...yeah)

• Self Harm

• Suicide (Attempt and Successful)